28 Apr The Day McDreamy Died: the Carousel Never Stops Turning



JUAN SAYS: It took time for us to write something about the death of Dr. Derek Shepherd. We are one with all the ladies (and the ladies at hear) who got their hearts broken and badly beaten as Shonda Rhimes writ off the character played by Patrick Dempsey in the long running series Grey’s anatomy. And until today, 4 days after that fateful day when our McDreamy died of an accident, a truck rammed on his car and rendering the famous brain surgeon brain dead.
It is baffling, saddening, shocking and very much heart breaking to see Meredith let go of Derek, her one true love whom she has fought for, and whom all of us fought with her (borderline hating Adison) in the first series of Grey’s Anatomy.
We identified with Meredith, not exactly with her situation of falling in love with a married man and almost begging him to be with her instead or well… the other her, the legal Shepherd. But we felt for Meredith, her friendships with her co-interns turned co-residents, since day 1. We felt her joys, and the many times she looked into Derek and trying to forget him while she frequently sees him in the hospital. We understood how it was to runaway from the situation, finding solace in the arms of other men, binge drinking just to forget, only to find ourselves back where we started – in love with the same man who broke our hearts many times. Because that is where we were meant to be, no matter how much we struggle to break free, no matter how much our friends have warned us about falling in love with the wrong person, and no matter how much we convince ourselves that we believe our friends. Bless their kind hearts but sometimes all you have to do to be happy is to follow your heart, remember why the perceived “bad thing” was good for you in the first place.


Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

We were with Meredith as she contemplated on marriage, on arrangements with Derek once his divorce with Adison was finalized. Somehow we wanted to push her and tell her to just go for it, because if we were in her shoes, if we were in front of our own Mcdreamy’s, we would have said yes, all hook, line and sinker. Because we like being stupid. Because as Meredith and Derek has taught us, sometimes to think deep and hard kills the moment. Sometimes being too cerebral just doesn’t bring us happiness but sends us going downward spiral – beyond sadness, beyond grief.

“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”

And when finally Meredith and Derek got married and started a family, it gave us hope. Hope that indeed the Mcdreamy’s of our lives do exist – the one that we hoped for, prayed for, fought for, anything and everything that we’ve ever wished for that one person would have, since we were little girls. Knights in shinning whatevers do exist, and we only need to give ourselves and love a fighting chance when it calls for it. We smiled, our hearts fluttered every time this couple kissed and made love, just like how man and wife is supposed to. We saw their problems, arguments, their ups and downs that almost led them to separation, and yet they hung on. Because it was the right thing to do, for the sake of sanity, for the sake of love. We too have hung on to our dreams of finding the right one, of loving beyond what we are capable of, of giving or readying ourselves to be mothers and wives to our very own Mcdreamy’s now or someday.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

And now this.
Forgive us for grieving, but Shonda killed more than the character of Derek, she killed our dreams.
As we walk with Meredith to pick up herself upon the demise of her one true love, this has led us to face the realities of life. While it is true that someday we all will find our one true love, we also have to understand that there is no such thing as forever. That in an instant everything that we have can be taken away from us because it is time, and we have nothing more left to do but to cope and take one bold step at a time, to continue living. Because life is exactly that.
We bid goodbye to that one guy who gave us hope that love exists, that “perfect-for-us” guy would one day come breezing to our lives and come into view, without expecting it to happen. Life is full of surprises. Thank you Dr. Derek Shepherd for living out our fantasies of that one guy whom God has ordained to be our Mcdreamy’s. Until we see you again, in the person of our real life Derek(s).

“There’s an end to every storm. Once all the trees have been uprooted. Once all the houses have been ripped apart. The wind will hush. The clouds will part. The rain will stop. The sky will clear in an instant and only then, in those quiet moments after the storm, do we learn who was strong enough to survive it.”


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