27 Apr Strippers lang sa inyo? Etong samin. Themed Funerals.

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chinacover

JUAN SAYS: China calls the party to a halt at funerals in the provinces. Just when the locals were starting to feel the freedom of having a party (where is Jeane Napoles when you need her), the government is at its “kill joy best” and called to remove all strippers from performing at funerals. These strippers were asked to do a 2-hour show to entice locals to come and visit the dead.
 
Everett Zhang, assistant professor of East Asian studies at Princeton University, has studied Chinese funeral rites and said the practice of hiring performers for lavish shows was expected when the deceased had lived a long life.
 
“In China, when the person who dies is very old and has lived a long life, this kind of occasion becomes purely a celebration,” he said.
 
This is also the time where the community shows their gratitude to the dead by visiting them and giving a sum to family members in the hopes of covering the funeral expenses with whatever money is gathered. Much like the Philippines. Today in Pangasinan, dancers are hired to entertain the crowds during the wake. The same concept comes to mind whenever we see videoke machines, saklaan, tong-it-tan in Filipino wakes. It is for the entertainment of the community who wished to pay their last respects to the dead. However, it is optional.
 
While China is busy hunting down the strippers (and invading our Spratly Islands, how bizarre is that?) we have come up with new ways to entertain the people, and at the same time, add some “color” to the so-called celebration. Masyado pa tayong conservative. Dancer lang? Stippers lang? Why don’t we put out themed-funerals much like our weddings and parties. After all, we use funerals as an excuse to gamble, then why can’t we use it as an excuse to PARTEY-PARTEY!
 

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1. THE GAY PRIDE THEME

 
01-gay
 
Since the church has been standing up against gay relations and the gay community has been fighting for their rights to be treated equally, we would like to see a Gay Pride themed funeral with macho dancers to boot! To emphasize on gay pride, we’d love to see a rainbow-painted casket. Tigilan na natin ang mga gold-gold ekk with carvings. Let’s go all out, and rainbow it is!
 

2. THE TITANIC

 
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If the dead person is a high ranking official, an influential person this would be the perfect theme. The unsinkable has sunken – a good reminder for all of us that we are NOT invincible. That we only have one life to live. We already know the background music to this. Cue Celine Dion.
 

3. THE FAIRYTALE

 
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You can dress the princess as Snow White or Aurora of Sleeping Beauty, it doesn’t matter, as long as she gets her final wish to be a princess. Bring a horse, put knights in shinning armors, but please let us NOT ask any hoodlum to give her a “true loves kiss” to wake her up from her deep sleep. Believe me, it’s not gonna happen.
 

THE HIPSTER

 
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So you think you are cool huh? Now we’ve got a theme for you. Put in a banner and put in that X somewhere there. Dress the dead in some vintage clothing and voila, you’ve got yourself a hipster. Hanggang sa kamatayan, hipster pa rin!
 
5. THE VARIETY SHOW THEME
 
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Because he/she is a star. ‘Nuff said.

 

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