09 May Why We Want Alma Moreno to Win

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JUAN SAYS: It’s crunch time and until this last minute nobody endorsed Alma Moreno: Ang pambansang Tangga Queen. And because we believe so much in what she has done and how she has changed the landscape of panties in the 80s, here we are giving our precious endorsement to that woman we all know as Loveli-Ness!

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Despite her grinding and booty shaking during the campaign sorties of Vice President Jejomar Binay, we still believe that Alma Moreno is the most qualified candidate for the Senate. As what she has said before, she has “been there and THAN THAT!” No other person could ever claim to be an original, and no other person, a senatoriable at that, can claim that they have THAN THAT! No one, not even the senators up for re-election, former congressmen who want a seat in the senate, NO ONE, and we repeat, NO ONE has ever THAN THAT!

Alma’s main platform is her fight for women and children, and we all know that we need someone who is so into this cause to further bills that will help alleviate the sufferings of women and children. We believe in her proposed alternative method of contraception. It is economical, logical and truth be told in congruent with religious teachings. She doesn’t believe in artificial contraception, instead she proposes this very practical solution: “kailangan laging bukas ang ilaw.”

Aminin ninyo, may point!

Nobody can have sex when the lights are on, when children are lying around the area where you sleep, so there is no choice but to abstain. The light bulbs, studies show, have a anti-sexual effect that suddenly shrinks an erected penis. If you didn’t know, penises have minds of their own. They hide at the sight of light. Penises have eyes, and when they are blinded by light, they hind behind the balls, and the man in question will experience a total black out and forget about sex. That is according to researches done by Alma herself.

And when all else fails… PILLS! But as of press time, Alma says: “actually, isa yan sa mga pinag-aaralan ko.”

6As you shade your ballots today, remember her name! FAME! Coz she’s gonna live forever! She has served you once as the Tang-ga Queen, now it is with due respect to her royal highness that we, the consumers of her ample hips and thunder thighs, give her what is due her. Shade her name for senator. Do it without reservations. (Shade her name. Erase that mothafuckin’ name!)

Kailangang Pasabugin ang Senado
Kaya kay Alma Moreno Tayo!
‘Bomba. Bomba Star Ako!’

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