10 Feb Why it sucks to have your birthday on Valentine’s Day.
JUAN SAYS: Well, it sucks to be Kris Aquino right now, no matter what day is her birthday.
1. It’s not just MY day, it’s every girl’s day.
2. It’s a made up holiday where the shape of hearts you see everywhere are actually the shape of women’s bottoms turned upside down.
3. My mother was very close to naming me Candy.
JUAN SAYS: Imagine Kristina Bernadette ‘Candy’ Aquino. Yuck. She won’t be ‘Kris’ but ‘Candy,’ thereby, there will be no ‘Krissy,’ on ‘Candies.’ Labo.
4. My friends are always busy with their boyfriends, girlfriends, or lovers.
JUAN SAYS: And what does Kris Aquino have?
5. I’m reminded in early January of my impending age as pink hearts increase in appearance in every store window.
JUAN SAYS: We would like to give her the benefit of the doubt by saying that this is NOT a Narcissistic complex but a bad case of birthday blues.
6. Dinner reservations are a pain to get.
JUAN SAYS: Kris is a pain. Period.
7. If I do get a dinner reservation, it’s likely a prix fixe menu with some sort of heart-shaped food and a Chocolatetini as themed cocktail.
JUAN SAYS: No need for a fancy restaurant. A can of San Marino Tuna will do. Love ng heart ko!
8. I have to buy my husband a present too. That’s crap.
9. I do NOT want chocolate as a present for my birthday.
10. The day after my birthday is signified by discarded, half-dead flower bouquets and bins of half off chocolate at my local pharmacy.