23 Apr The Rebirth of a Former Fat Girl
“Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.” – Jk Rowling
Weight is an issue everyone can relate to. Whatever your dress size is, there seems to be a never-ending struggle with our weight. Everyone I deal with on a daily basis would constantly discuss the latest diet that they’re on, the abs they wish to achieve, and how they’re miles away from achieving the body of their dreams.
A recent BuzzFeed video on how women’s body have changed over the years and how beauty standards of men are different all over the world proves that there’s more than just one standard of beauty and yet we all strive for that magazine perfection that seems elusive no matter how much juicing we do or how many hours we clock in the gym.
Dealing with my weight has long been a very personal journey. I was the fat super-hingal child growing up, who did not inherit my dad’s athletic ability, and I also have, to this day a very affectionate love for food. I have gone from eating two value meals at a time to eating tuna out of a can once a day and satisfying my hunger with vicarious cups of coffee.
The unhealthy way I treated my body soon led to a hyperthyroidism disease and that’s when I realized that no matter how “good” I looked (truth is, the emaciated look doesn’t look good on any one) on the outside, the health problems that went with it wasn’t worth it.
Surprisingly so, dealing with my body image issues had nothing to do with my body. It rooted from a deeper issue, a feeling of inadequacy, and old insecurities. In order to deal with my body in a healthy way, I needed to get my inside right. I needed to accept that while I could never be reed stick thin, it doesn’t make me less of a person. It also doesn’t make me less worthy of love, affection, and sincere attention.
Loving myself, as cliche as it may sound, led me to be kinder to myself as well. And if you are kind to yourself, you take care of you in a way that is rooted from love, not from a desire to be perfect. It’s about being healthy and strong, not skinny but empty.
This has been the transformation I long hoped for but I wish someone told me earlier that “self love” has nothing to do with the numbers on the scale but had everything to do with how at peace I am on the inside.
It’s about being content with myself and truly in being content, I found great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6).
Model: Cai Cortez
Photography by Michael Maguigad
Styled by Patricia Coronado