18 Jun The Filipino Culture of Finding a Mate



To each is his own, are the only words that came to mind as I read the two contrasting articles on their relationships with AFAMS (A Foreigner Assigned in Manila). Some prefer white monkeys, while others prefer Brown monkeys. But they are monkeys none the less. What I am trying to say here is this, each of us has preferences on the kind of men we date, and it is based on who we are – our values, our


What I am trying to say here is this, not every man is a monkey, be them foreigners or Filipinos, but indeed there will be some. Each of us has preferences on the kind of men we date, and it is based on who we are – our values, our wavelength, and our moral compass. And not because we still prefer to date Filipino men over any other foreigner does that mean that we are less progressive than those who do. Kanya-kanya ngang taste yan.

This article is written in reaction to these two articles that I have read just this week (ON ASSIGNMENT: AFAMs, and why I tend to date them and On AFAMs, and why I tend to hate them.)

As discussed in the articles, there are qualities that AFAMS possess that our dear Filipino single men don’t. They are straight forward and they don’t fucking care how many men you’ve slept with or if you are busy whoring your way to wherever. And to women like me, those are NOT very compelling reasons to date AFAMs. You see, there are still women who have their values and standards intact, those who have preserved themselves (and some their virginity) for the right person, or even for the person we love. Whoring is not an option, nor was it ever. I personally don’t believe that this form of thinking should be frowned upon. If anything, these qualities of Filipino women, those who in many ways are still conservative in the standards of whores, should be celebrated. And so with men, the Filipino men who would still look for these qualities in the women they date.

Even as a child, we were very much aware that dating runs around circles. You date those who belong to your circle. Even as children, our brothers were taught how to respect women, to visit them in their homes, to express their interests in the women they fancy by taking them to dinners, writing letters, and actually facing their fathers as they take the daughters out at night. The good men adhere by the curfews given by the parents, they make sure that the women they date are cared for. Buo mong inilabas, buo mo ring ibabalik.

That I believe is the problem with Filipinos in general. We have come to accept the Western culture just because they are of a pre-conditioned “superior” skin color while forgetting that we as Filipinos were raised differently because we belong to a different culture (for crying out loud). We often celebrate what is not intrinsic in all of us, forgetting that our heritage is what brought us to be who we are as a people, rich in culture and traditions. And we attack the men who have been holding it together, preserving what was taught to them by their parents and opening up to new ideas yet formulating their own. We have lost respect for Filipino men because of what? That they are more conservative? That they want women of the same social class or social standing? Their parents ask who are your parents and what pedigree do you have? Why? Because they have smaller dicks and that they are less adventurous in bed? Pucha. Kailan pa naging top of the list sa qualifications iyan ng mga lalaking gusto nating pakasalan? When did we become this shallow?

I believe that there is still a good number of us, Filipino women who would still want the so-called “traditional Filipino men.” Those who will look for some decency in us, those who will size us up for our brains rather than our abilities to do all the Kamasutra positions, and those who will ask which family we belong to and what school did we graduate from. Wala talaga kaming issue doon.

Tanong, yung aso mong shih tzu na full breed, papa-mate mo sa askal? Hindi diba? Tao pa kaya. So anong issue?

We still want men who would go out of their way to pick us up and bring us home, face our fathers with fear in their eyes. We still want men of “conservative” values, those who value family more than not caring about how many men we have slept with, and those who believe that God should always be at the center of our relationship. We still want the Filipino men more than any AFAMs.

Let us not degrade the Filipino men by calling them substandard just because they can’t accept our whoring. Let us NOT think that they are any less than the AFAMs just because they weigh their options based on who you are as a person and what do you bring to the table as a woman. Kung matino kang babae, wala kang issues dapat doon. If anything, I would have brought my resume with me and present it with a smile to his family. I can even tell him the number of men I had relationships with because I was too careful to choose the men I date. At sa totoo lang, marami pa rin namang mga Pinay ang hindi bumibigay sa unang salpukan. May mga babaeng nag-iisip and think that their vaginas are not for the consumption of every Dick, Tom and Harry who is interested. Mayroon pa ring mga Pinay na mabubuting parada! Mayroon pa talaga. Mayroon pang mga Pinay that you can bring home to mama — those with breeding, those with pedigrees and those with a brain that you can let her sit in the boardroom and swoon any man (or woman) who sits there to agree with her.

We still want men who will respect us for the culture that we belong to. We still want men who will think of us as wives and partners, rather than a domestic helper or  A TARSIER who is only good for sex and spending their money, thinking that they are God’s answer to their poverty. Pwede ba?! Pwede ba.







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