25 Sep #PisilPaMore: An Open Letter To My Future Husband
By Jap Angeles
Dear Future Hubby,
These letters addressed to future fling/girlfriend/wife/husband have been circulating online so let me jump in on this before it dies out. I have a lot of things to say to you but I’ll try to make it quick because you’re going to hear a lot of me when we get married anyways. I’ll spare you some time while we’re not married yet.
First off, I’d like to commend you for delaying our love story. It has been 22 years since I was born and I still have no clue where the eff you are. I’ve always believed that you are my knight in shining armor. Although with the pace you’re going, I won’t be surprised if you arrive on a Pawikan instead of a horse. Or maybe you just took the EDSA route. Or maybe you’re stuck at work. Or…nambababae ka no! Sino kasama mo ngayon? Bakit ayaw mo mag-pick up ng phone?! Oh. Okay. You’re right. Sorry, sorry. Let’s save it when we’re married.
A lot of these letters tell their future *insert relationship here* to be excited about the time when they finally meet and be together and be happy and eat sunshine and shit out rainbows. But for me, I want to be honest even before we meet. I’m pretty sure we’re going to have a lot of shitty days. Probably 3-5 days every month. I get batshit crazy over the little things during these days. To paint you a picture, I once pushed my brother off his bed because I thought he was breathing too loudly. He landed on his face, probably broke his nose and I continued napping.
Don’t be scared though. You have a lot of things to look forward to. I bake and cook a lot. Just check my instagram. It looks like the feed of an Italian grandmother if she had one. Expect treats from me. I always bake for the people I love and I never share food unless I love you. And when I love, I give my whole heart. So expect a basket of revel bars, cookies, and a still warm, freshly harvested full sized aortic pump. You’ll also get used to my dark humor which shifts from yeah alright to downright offensive.
You can also expect the support of my loving family. They will love you like their own. Granted that when my eldest brother bought his first airsoft gun he immediately tested it on his sleeping twin because that’s the kind of bonding he likes but hey, boys will be boys! And also, I have four older brothers who have no experience of dealing with boys from my end because I’ve never presented them with one. I also have a pair of extremely mismatched parents who are equal parts of conservative and weird. But srsly tho, full support.
I think the best part of being my future husband is that by the time we meet, I probably have finally pulled my shit together. You know, my growing up dust has finally settled by then. My mind is a mess right now. You are definitely not my priority but you’re in my list…just not at the very top yet. Not for now at least.
I have no margin for error as of the moment but when we meet, I’m already complete. Probably because I already met you. That’s also the kind of cheesy ass lines you can expect from me.
I will love you with all my heart. I spent so much of my life preparing how to love you so when the time comes, I will be ready to give you what I have kept in a box I’ve hidden away from so many people. When you finally break my strong and tall wall that I have built so lovingly, you will find out that I only keep a handful of people inside of my heart and you will realize that out of those handful, you will have a special spot. Maybe in the middle or at the corner, depending on your behavior that day. You might also want to reconsider your marriage to me since you have seen people inside of me and I’m pretty sure you would know that is illegal. But that can be settled on another day.
I promise not to care about your Dad bod as long as you don’t give me shit about mine…as long as I’m happy with it. I promise to be your cheer-upper and support you with your endeavors in life even if it means you buying one of those stupid flashy cars when you get midlife crisis. I promise to laugh at your jokes even if they’re corny. I do believe it’s the effort of making me laugh that counts.
I promise to make you a family even if it means a basketball team of kids or just the two of us—whatever God wills it to be. I promise to try not to nag you. I really will. I think I can. I really do. Okay I’m just plain lying with that last part.
And when everything is falling apart, I promise to be the light that gets you out of the dark. Or maybe the voice that will call for help to find people to actually get you out of dark. I’m also afraid of the dark kasi. Sorry. Love you.
So future husband of mine, do enjoy your time without me. Maybe even enjoy your time with that girl you’re with right now. Because one day, when we’re finally married, I can assure you that I am going to make fun of your time with her.