07 May JUAN responds to Cosmo.ph’s 10 Struggles of Smart Girls when Dating
JUAN SAYS: We read Cosmo.ph’s “10 Struggles Smart Girls Face When Dating,” and in most parts they nailed it. This was exactly part of the lengthy conversation of two of JUAN’s editors, and if any guy would listen in to their conversation, they’d do a Mayweather and bolt out that door. While all of the girls of JUAN are single and on the look out for “the one,” we still don’t wish to sell ourselves for the pwede-na-yan-lamang-tiyan-din-yan – you know, those guys who don’t actually meet your standards but because we feel that we are aging and that stupid body clock is crazily ticking (who said that there is a need for every woman to have children in the first place?), we try our luck by lowering the goddam standards and just settling for the frogs. And as we near the golden 40, some of us are asking that very question: after the endless search, the endless battles of preserving yourself for the right one, do you finally settle for a frog, just because half of the population of Metro Manila is freaking married and/or gay, and the remaining half is just that – FROGS?
Here are our affirmations and contradictions to Cosmo’s “10 Struggles.” We said “almost nailed it,” didn’t we?
1. Getting a date in the first place. When you were a teen, you were always too busy studying to go out on ~*gimiks*~; now that you’re in the working world, you care more about turning in excellent output than actively searching for love. The result: Your peers are all happily coupled up, while you’re in a long-term relationship with your career. #TrueLove
JUAN SAYS: When we were teenagers we were always studying and always OUT on gimiks. We were the kind of girls who kept straight As while living the life. Not because we are smart does it mean that we didn’t have the fun that other not-so-smart-girls had. We did, we did! We met guys back then, heck we even had a string of boyfriends which we didn’t meet in the bars ‘coz we are smart that way. We know that you will never meet the right guy in bars, much less was it part of the standards that he could beat us in the 15 shots in Boracay. But we did have our share of fun. But growing older, we found ourselves being in long term relationships, because they just served a purpose. We were too busy with achieving that any guy who wouldn’t take a back seat for our ambitions would be pushed out of the door. Maybe that was the mistake if you may call it that way. But smart women’s need to achieve tramples over any need for a guy back then (and maybe today) or should we say “needy guy.” Younger guys tend to be clingy, and even our younger selves hated clingy. Try calling us 5 times a day for nothing and you will get the much dreaded “fuck off” over the phone.
2. Thinking you’re entitled to have high standards when dating. Because you’re such a shining beacon of intelligence, you get picky about men you’d date. Surely you deserve someone who holds a master’s degree, has a high-paying job, has a great personality, and who will love your cats as much as you do? Congrats, you just scratched off the majority of single men in Metro Manila!
JUAN SAYS: We do have a list of everything and anything we want our future husbands to be, and our mothers have once read them. Okay twice. And with the kind of list that we made, our friends have wondered if we are actually praying for a husband or waiting for the second coming because only the Great JC may be able to match what we wrote. It isn’t that we feel entitled but we are just basing this from previous experiences. Nakakasawa din naman ang magpulot ng kalat sa kalsada. Na-realize ko lang, hindi nga pala ako basurera. Why can’t we wish for the aforementioned criteria? Some of us even went as far as writing the words “impeccable breeding” on our list. Yep besides the fact that our would be husbands would be all those above, we don’t want him eating like an animal and just dumping his utensils like a girl who doesn’t close her legs. How a man is right after he eats says a lot about the man. And yeah, we cringe.
3. Fearing that you’ve got no game. You fear you’ve got no flirting skills to speak of, so dates can become a source of anxiety for you. Is your date night outfit even okay, or do you look like a man-repelling manang? You don’t know; you haven’t picked up a fashion magazine in a decade.
JUAN SAYS: Oh we still have flirting skills, its just not the usual type of thing any girl will do with any guy. We call it “the brain fuck.” Remember that the sexiest part of a man’s body is his brain. Shit! There goes half of the Metro Manila population!
4. Finding some common ground for conversation’s sake. The last novel you read or indie film you watched? Sorry, he’s never heard of them. But he can tell you all about the basketball game that was on TV the other day, in case you’re interested! *cricket sounds*
JUAN SAYS: You can find other things to talk about that would surely connect the two of you like your life passions, life goals, politics? And there goes another half of Metro Manila’s population. Oh well.
5. Cringing when your date slaughters the English language. Wait, did he just say “stuffs?” No matter how hard you try to forget it, the word “stuffs” will echo in your head for days to come, like a nagging nightmare you can’t seem to shake off—only it’s real. STUFFS. STUFFS. STUFFFFSSSS.
JUAN SAYS: Impeccable breeding and impeccable GRAMMAR! Juskolord! Stuffs. Foods. Furnitures. Equipments. WTF! But hey, wouldn’t that be a good conversation starter for you and your girlfriends? Sakit sa tiyan sa sobrang tawa! Promise.
6. Having to laugh at a joke you don’t find funny. HA HA HA HA HA. (Ugh, get me out of here.)
JUAN SAYS: When eating at a restaurant try to amuse yourself with other things that make you laugh so you wouldn’t give an empty laugh. It is so hard to fake that you are enjoying one’s company. So if you don’t click. You just don’t. Sayang oras!
7. Not making him laugh when it’s your turn to make a joke. Boy, that joke flew right past his head. Maybe you should tone the sarcasm down a few notches?
JUAN SAYS: Ha ha ha. Someone just didn’t get it. Ha ha ha.
8. Trying—and failing—to dumb yourself down. You’re considerate; you veer away from big words or technical speak when sharing your thoughts. When you’re drawn into a discussion on a topic you’re passionate about, you resist the urge to get in a debate. But sometimes, you can’t help yourself, and you go off on a monologue on the relative merits of realism and impressionism in art and…OH SHIT, HIS EYES ARE STARTING TO GLAZE OVER.
JUAN SAYS: We’ve gone this route, dumbing ourselves down for a guy and it just doesn’t work. Why can’t we just be our smart ass selves when with the guy that we supposedly love. Why do we have to adjust ourselves to the “simplicity” of their brains so we won’t elbow their egos? Why can’t they be the ones to step up the plate so to speak? Because they can’t. Some guys are just that – STUPID. Stay away!
9. Finding out later on that the guy you dated found you “too smart” or “too intimidating.” Sorry naman, kuya. Maybe YOU’RE the one who’s too dumb for me!
JUAN SAYS: That has always been the case for most of the girls in JUAN. And we are one with cosmo.ph in apologizing. Can’t help it if you are dumb.
10. After a string of disastrous dates (or no dates at all), wanting to give up on dating COMPLETELY. That’s it; you’re going to die alone in a house filled with cats. (And books, of course.)
JUAN SAYS: We haven’t thrown the towel in just yet. There is hope not by lowering our standards, but by being ourselves and by looking and being at the right places because the guy that we will marry won’t be on Tinder or Valkyrie.