10 Jul Get your umbrellas ready, ‘coz it’s raining bullshit men
SISA SAYS: This article was a result of a heated discussion between friends on facebook chat. While we do not wish to be labeled as “man haters,” or that we are too negative about the men we meet and become “friends” with, we couldn’t help but scream out: PROVE US WRONG.
By Mel Castillo
We know that there are still a few good men out there, and this article is not about them. Though miniscule, we would like to put 10% of our hearts in believing that there is somebody out there who doesn’t fit the exact mold of what we have encountered men to be. In our hearts, believe it or not, as we wrote this article, we would like to believe that we are wrong. Heck we are waiting for the time where we can be proven wrong. But to this day, no matter how much we stay away from them, guys have seemed to prove the 90% of what our hearts feel. Men are simply assholes. So this post is about the 90% that we are sure that even if you don’t have any personal experiences with them, there are still some friends of yours who have told you about them. These are the ones who would try to win a girl’s heart with as little risk as possible. Let us list down some of the tactics that we are all too familiar with, and maybe as you read these certain names will pop up in your head. Feel free to add some more categories at the end of the article. We welcome your suggestions.
These are the ones who still go for the flowers and chocolates route, but would buy in bulk. They have their “suki “in Dangwa already, and have a set of tried and tested lines already saved in their phone for when they need to make a girl feel special. We call these people sweepstakes because the more entries you send, the more chances of winning. They would do the same thing to all the women, sometimes even all at the same time. And it would only be a matter of who falls for him first that would determine who becomes his girlfriend. Parang roleta ng kapalaran lang. Kung saan tumigil, yun ang jackpot.
Taken from the classic role of Robin Padilla in all his movies; the bad guy who is really a good guy. These are the ones who usually have a playboy image already that they either can’t hide or can’t live down. Too many people have seen them flit from girl to girl with no intention of ever staying, so the traditional role of a good guy will not work on them anymore. What these people would do is to just admit to their past transgressions. The operative word being past. A typical speech of his would go something like this: ” I know that I’m not a good guy. I don’t pretend to be. There are things in my past that I am not proud of and I admit to them. However, I do feel something for you. And I am hoping that you would still be willing to take a chance on me. If not, then I would understand. Not a lot of people would be able to look past what has happened and can try to love me for who I am now.”
This speech deserves a standing ovation, to be honest. It shows sincerity and a bravado to admit to their past transgressions while letting themselves off the hook for any and all future rumors that you might hear because all they have to tell you now is that they have told you that they had a past, but it’s all in the past. Aside from that, they also give off a candidness that you would not expect from a bad boy, because we have been conditioned to believe that boys will never admit to their women, even when they are already caught red handed. But the best part of all is the last bit of their speech. When they tell you what they don’t except you to understand their past but are still hopeful that you will, they subconsciously issue a challenge to you. It is now your problem whether you can swallow your fear and go after the veteran playboy, if you can defeat social stigma and give them a chance to make a better man out of themselves, dangling the thought of being the game-changer who turns them onto the straight and narrow path of being loyal to one girl alone. At ikaw naman si tanga at nakalulon ng messianic complex, eto ka naman sige, tanggap lang ng tanggap. Kasi tanga ka. Kasi sinabi naman niya in the first place at tinanggap mo naman.
Reality check: chances are, you’re more of the rule rather than the exception. Don’t delude yourself.
- The Other Woman
This is pretty classic. This could also be performed with a guy friend, or just by yourself. In this scenario, there is this girl. You or your friend would be so in love with this girl and you have no idea on how to go about trying to win the affection of a girl like her, so they come to you for help. When you ask them what type of girl she is, she seems to be a lot like you. So because you are such a good friend, you’d help. Something goes wrong, and in the end the courting of said girl doesn’t pan out. They thank you, and you think that is the end of it but in reality they are simply gearing up for part two of the tactic, namely to see all the knowledge that they have gleaned from you, on you.
This tactic minimizes the risk of being rejeccted because they already know what you like and don’t like, without actually trying to figure these things out for themselves. They can also mask their personalities to fit into the type of guy you’re looking for. Sneaky, but effective.
- Divide and Conquer
In a woman’s life, there are a lot of things and people that she has to juggle. There is her family, her friends, her hobbies, her job, etc. All of these things impact her life and factor in greatly on her day-to-day decisions. The Divide and Conquer guy would start off as one of her friends and then work his way through all aspects of her life. He would invite himself to barkada get-togethers, be involved in the same things you like, go to the gym that you go to, and give your family little gifts to ingratiate himself to the people closest to you. In this way, he would become such a big part of your life without you really realizing what is happening until it’s too late to cut him out. Most often than not you actually wouldn’t be able to cut him out because he would try to include himself as a friend of yours and you would feel to guilty for making a big thing out of it. Pretty soon you realize that he has cock blocked all other potential suitors with his omnipresence in your life and has won the hearts of your family and friend that they would be the ones who end up asking you “Bakit hindi na lang si _______ ang maging boyfriend mo?” They’d usually follow it up with his glowing commendations. And because you love your friends and family too much, you consider him. Then you see how much a part of you he has already been, and you relent to him, even if at the very start (and deep deep down) you know that he’s not really the one you’re looking for.
And chances are, he is not. Because if he were, then you wouldn’t be thinking of calling him “my guy bestfriend” if you knew you would click in the first place. Being bestfriends is really not just being friends. Truth be told, it is an alternative relationship when one of the two parties fall short of what the other wants the relationship to be. So you’d settle for “friendship,” which we would always say is never a consolation prize. Pero galit na galit siya sa nagiging boyfriend mo. O halos siraan na niya ang bawat lalaking pumoporma sa’yo, Anak ng pitong baka, ano bang problema nito?!
- The Venus Flytrap
If I were a boy, this one would be my favorite. These are the ones who are dense, the ones who don’t know how to court a girl, the ones who say that they don’t court a girl but rather things just happen and they find themselves with a girlfriend. It starts out with a friendship, and it would develop into something more. Sometimes it is a spark, or an attraction, or simply chemistry. They’d say that they are not interested in courting because they don’t know how, or they’re too torpe, or they have just been hurt too much.
The girl on the other hand would try to understand and in cases of truly madly deeply falling in love with the guy, would even be the ones to court the guy instead. Because said guy doesn’t know the first thing about winning affections, the girl who has the unfortunate fate of falling for him or simply liking him would try to deepen the connection by hanging out with him, trying to incorporate herself into the life of said guy, etc. They would be the ones who make the moves, and in some cases, they would also be the ones to admit to their feelings first. And why do we have to succumb to that is really beyond me? Some girlfriends have explained that it is about setting ourselves free and finally let how we feel out there and let the guy deal with it.
Here is the thing, while we believe in girl power, equality and all that bullshit, we still think that there is no power shift nor role reversals when it comes to love. A man is still the hunter, while the woman is still the “huntee.” A man should recognize that “this is it for me” before a woman does. And while we are at this train of thought, isn’t it supposed to be that a man says his feelings first before a girl blurts out her own? Ganito lang yan, kapag sinabi ko ba ang nararamdaman ko sa’yo sasaluhin mo ba? Kapag sinabi ko bang “I love you,” sasagot ka rin bang “I love you too?” Kung hindi naman, eh anong pinaguusapan natin dito? There is no point to any conversation that will lead to a girl breaking her heart and having the idiot for a man, leaving the girl to pick up all the pieces. Kasi siya ang nagsabi. Kasi ginusto nya. Dude, hindi ganun. Kasi taena ka, asshole ka lang.
The fly will be making all the moves to get caught, all he had to do was lie there with his trap open and pretend he’s just another flower. It’s a complete role reversal wherein all he has to do is dangle himself in front of the bait and go along with her advances enough to let her know that he’s interested in her as well so that she would keep doing it, unknowingly entrenching herself deeper and deeper into him. All he has to do is agree. Maximum impact with minimum effort.
And we very well know that nothing is worth keeping if one doesn’t work for it. Hard and long. The problem with these guys is that they have probably been never been rejected all their lives, and they would have loved to rub it in the face of the girl when he rejects them, befriending them, being close to them. WTF! It never helps. And the cycle continues, because this flytrap will once again “open its mouth” and be really sweet to the girl, and ikaw na naman si tanga, akala mo eto gusto ka na rin niya. Tapos bad trip ka. Eh sa totoo lang, taena niya kasi. Pa-fall lang ang hayup lumaglag ka naman!
Call us a man hater if you will, say all the things you want. I know that you have met or heard about some of these boys, and that you might even have a few tactics that we were not able to include in this article. If you do, we would love to hear about them. In the end though, in spite of all the bad people in this world, we keep putting ourselves out there in the hopes that someday we can meet someone brave enough to like us and do something about it, without all this bullshit tactics to ease the blow of rejection and increase the chances of success for romance. We said it in the beginning of this article, there are good guys out there. And we keep risking ourselves in this flood of bullshit trying to find them. Until you do, we hope you don’t settle. Mediocrity is rampant in this life, but love should not be one of them.