09 Sep Death How 2BU? Postponed Ang Christmas



JUAN SAYS: We didn’t want to put out this story until we get the confirmation. We dialled the private line of Santa Claus, but Mrs. Claus and his elves were quite frantic about our call. They said that Santa was indisposed at the moment following the death of some 300 reindeers struck by lightning in Norway.


“So it’s true,” we thought, as we put down the phone upon hearing the news of Santa’s depression. All of Santa’s 9 reindeers namely: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dunder (variously spelled Donder and Donner), and Blixem (variously spelled Blitzen and Blixen), with Rudolph, were all part of the 300 who were massacred by a freak of nature. Christmas is postponed, well… the gift giving at least.

Santa has refused to read all the kids letters as of date even when the kids promised to be very good through out the rest of the year. The world mourns for Christmas and most especially Santa’s reindeers. They were all innocent animals whose only dream is to pull Santa’s sleigh as he travels from country to country bearing gifts of the children who tried to be nice the whole year through.

Most of us loved Rudolph, with his red nose that blinked and guided all the other reindeers from one Chimney to the next (in the case of the Philippines, Santa passed through the alulod).

Unconfirmed reports say that they were blasted by the Abu Sayaff. And we are all just waiting for their claims to killing the beloved reindeers. Another unconfirmed reports say that the reindeers bore tags which said “huwag tularan, pusher ako.” To us in Juan, this is a flat out lie. Reindeers do not push. They pull the sleigh that Santa rides on Christmas day. They are no pushers, pullers pa siguro! Extrajudicial killings? Perhaps. Mistaken identity? Not exactly. A hate crime we presume. Sadly, whatever we say, the truth remains, gift giving is postponed, until further notice.

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