28 Oct Being Cinderella in a Snapchat World: What Microwave Dating Has Taught Me
As a child, I grew up with an intense love for fairy tales. In my head, I have always thought that the best love stories came rather unexpectedly, you know when you’re in your worst outfit or when you trip down the stairs in a cool red dress. You know, those kinds of things. I have always believed that true love loved even when you didn’t have make up on or even if you weren’t the most popular person in the room.
Love was love, period.
Of course, as you grow older, the realities of life set in and you realize that well, stories didn’t come so easily. In fact, on most days, it feels like a battlefield. Especially for wide – eyed, inexperienced girls like me. Whenever people would ask me why I wasn’t dating or in a relationship, I would often shy away from revealing the truth: I was waiting for God’s best for me. For most people, it meant that there was no one mildly interested while the others would think I was some weirdo who wasn’t intent on enjoying life. And also, when you’re 22 and you say that, you’re cute, but when you’re 27, you’re looked at like this giant unicorn lost in the middle of real, living, breathing people.
So without diving into the details, I tried my luck in microwave dating. And while I never went on physical dates (because I am a wuss and I was in another country where chances of me being killed was up 100%, I decided not to) but I did try “getting to know people.” Because it feels like the only way to get out of the single rut is to “put yourself out there”. Never mind my suspended belief that if something was meant to be mine, the universe will just eventually work itself out.
And the results were… sad. While I don’t discredit microwave dating at all, it surely helps in curbing loneliness and others have definitely found legit love through it, for me, it doesn’t add to my sense of self, in fact, all it leaves is a trail of broken hearts and unmet expectations.
However, this article is not about me. It’s about this video I came across that features a girl who wishes about the things she knew about sex and while I thought it was another one of those planned parenthood ads, it was not.
In fact, you can watch it yourself here:
As the girl poured out her heart on the screen, I felt mine ache a little and not because I’ve been in the exact position because not every story is the same, but because I know what it feels like to be left waiting by the phone. I know it’s not a cool independent, woman thing to do but when someone promises you they’d call, you actually believe them because you won’t drop your word just like that if you didn’t mean it. But apparently, people don’t mean it and these days, it’s easier to find people who don’t mean what the say as opposed to the ones who do.
With so many options available, accountability has gone down the drain. Everyone is just expected to be “in the world” and do it the world’s ways regardless of who we hurt in the process of “getting out there”. And if you’re the one left with many options, it’s all fun and games until you’re the one who’s left hanging.
And more than the physical aspect, it’s the emotional purgatory that this culture sees as normal that puts people into a whirlwind of emotions and feeling unworthy. It’s this ghosting culture that turns us all into assholes (excuse the language) whether we are female or not. We have lost respect for each other and shrug it off as “Netflix and Chilling”. And while some people are so great at this culture, I do believe that at the end of the day, away from the messages, the Snapchat, the cuddles, and the spooning, when we are truly left alone in the dark, with just ourselves, we are all united in feeling lonely because once again, someone didn’t follow through.
And yes, I do believe in being happy on your own and all that positive shtick but at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that humans also crave interaction and wanting to have someone to do life with is not a sin. It doesn’t make you less of a person nor does it make you lesser than who you are. We all deserve a love who loves us, regardless. The love who doesn’t leave us insecure or leaves us wondering if there’s something wrong with us. A love that is secure and not one that is always making us wonder why.