26 Jan 7 Signs You Might be a Narcissist
JUAN SAYS: This article on Rappler was written two years ago, but it can’t be more relevant than today. The call to attention to one’s self has never been more rampant today, with the rise of the people flocking the social networking sites, it has already become an illness, a compulsion to post one’s self, one’s food, one’s outfit of the day, one’s shit just to be able to solicit the likes of many, even people they don’t know. It has been an explainable phenomenon, but no matter how others deny it, many just enjoy the attention given to their posts. Are they narcissistic? Let’s find out.
SOURCE: Rappler.com | text & illustrations by Chinie H. Diaz
It’s easy to throw the word “narcissist” around these days, especially with people showing an almost alarming amount of self-absorption all over the Internet. But is every enthusiastic selfie-taker — who lives or dies by the number of Facebook likes he/she receives — necessarily a narcissist? I think not. Neither do I think that all narcissists are immediately identifiable as such.
Narcissism (as a personality disorder) is also a lot more complex than we realize. Apparently it goes far beyond just the obvious manifestations of a desperate need for validation and admiration.
So how do you tell if you’re a narcissist for real? Here are 7 warning signs:
1. You’re a rotten listener.
Narcissists tend to be very one-sided when it comes to discussions. And the one side they focus on, of course, is theirs. All conversations center on “me, me, me.” Instead of seeking to understand or respond, narcissists “dismiss, negate, ignore, minimize, denigrate or otherwise render irrelevant other people’s concerns.” (Source here)
JUAN SAYS: “And it all goes back to you.” We call them the “I, me and myself” person. Someone who asks how you are without being really interested with the answer but in reality, she is just waiting for the time to inject herself in the conversation. Stay clear of “friends” like these. The condition is infectious. Or, you may experience a temporary black out and find yourself whacking her head with your handbag.
2. You put other people down to make yourself look better.
Dr Craig Malkin calls this “projected feelings of insecurity” and explains that “narcissists say and do things, subtle or obvious, to make people feel less smart, less accomplished, less competent.”
There’s a quote I once saw that goes like this:
And that’s exactly what narcissists do. They downplay (or downright diss) the talents and achievements of others, thinking that it will make their own seem more impressive.
JUAN SAYS: You’d think that they are just downright rude. But rudeness is never a stellar quality of someone emotionally nor psychologically stable. Have pity on the bitch. People like that are unhappy, and they thrive on making other people miserable. Instead of being offended remember, people who pull you down are exactly where they are, beneath you. No point in arguing about that right?
3. You think rules don’t apply to you.
My sister-in-law, who is a flight attendant, once told me a story about a rather famous blogger who went berserk on a flight, simply because he was (nicely) told that he couldn’t transfer to a premium seat just because it was empty.
Narcissists tend to believe that because they’re so special, they’re above the rules and conventions that apply to regular folks. They also hate feeling controlled in any way, so rules (or even worse, commands) are either ignored, or result in irritation, resentment or anger.
JUAN SAYS: Imagine the audacity of a person who says: “Do you know who I am?” then demands for what he wants just because he thinks he is entitled to these perks just because. It is almost funny to think that anyone would make certain demands just because they think they deserve it. Many people have entitlement issues, and that is one mental illness that still has no cure. Again, take heed of our reminder, do not whack the head of the bastard. Repeat after me, do not whack the head of the bastard.
4. You can’t handle criticism.
“Narcissists paradoxically manifest an inflated idea of their own importance, yet are quick to feel deflated by negative feedback. In addition, because they think everything is about them, they hear others’ attempts to talk about personal feelings as veiled criticisms of themselves.” – Psychology Today
As far as narcissists are concerned, they are never to blame when something goes wrong. Anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of their extreme specialness is considered the enemy, and any criticism (real or perceived) results in anger and finger-pointing.
JUAN SAYS: When caught they are expected to plead insanity. Everybody is to be blamed except them, their past, their parents, their teachers, the Marcos regime, Martial Law, the previous administration, the church, their bald head…
5. You idol-worship.
According to Dr Malkin, a common but less recognized narcissistic tendency is the habit of putting people on pedestals. “The fact that no one can be perfect is usually lost on the idol-worshipping narcissist,” Malkin says. “The logic goes a bit like this: ‘If I find someone perfect to be close to, maybe some of their perfection will rub off on me, and I’ll become perfect by association.”
JUAN SAYS: Narcissists are certified social climbers too. Oh no! This country is a breeding ground of social climbers. “Hindi lahat ng sweet ay loyal sa’yo. Tandaan, sween nga ang candy, pero nakabalot naman sa plastic” – Stupid is Forever
6. You hide or lie about your childhood and family history.
Without going into detail (because I might get into trouble – hehe) let me say that I have a relative who was exiled from the country for several years because she wrote the biography of a very famous person. The biography was actually complimentary, but said famous person was not a fan because it revealed that she came from a more modest background than she let on. This is pretty common behavior for narcissists, who more often than not are the result of a difficult or problematic history.
“Narcissism seems to be born of neglect and abuse, both of which are notorious for creating an insecure attachment style. Insecurely attached people can’t talk coherently about their family and childhood; their early memories are confused, contradictory, and riddled with gaps. Narcissists often give themselves away precisely because their childhood story makes no sense, and the most common myth they carry around is the perfect family story.” – Craig Malkin
JUAN SAYS: Sabi nga sa kanta: Let’s not bring the past up anymore. Ang kulit mo kasi! Tigilan mo na nga yan!
7. You have a desperate need to always be in control.
Narcissists feel the need to maintain a sense of perfect autonomy and a feeling of total independence. They hate having to admit that they can be affected by anyone or anything outside of themselves. This will sometimes manifest itself into a fear of showing emotions.
It can also lead to manipulative, controlling and abusive behavior.
JUAN SAYS: ‘Coz the toughie is really a softie. And really what’s wrong with that?