25 Aug Pemberton’s Admission: Warning to All Men, Transgender Women

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JUAN SAYS: Before we attack this issue we would like to remind everyone that this is NOT, we repeat NOT an article that will condone killing. We firmly believe that every human life is precious and nobody has the right to take it. Furthermore, we believe that Pemberton, should be jailed for what he did to Jennifer Laude. Murder is murder, anyone who commits it must be given the maximum punishment.

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However, this story should serve as a warning to all transgender women and men, who engage in this form of activity. If we were to follow Pemberton’s statements on his “accidental” killing of Jennifer Laude (read full story here), we can say that there too was some form of deception on the part of the victim. (Again, this doesn’t justify Pemberton’s acts).

False representation, false identity, thereby passing yourself as a biological woman when in reality you are not is plain and simple deception, panloloko. We can already imagine the horrors of a man who is making out with someone whom he thought was a woman, and upon reaching between her legs she would find the same thing that he posses, and maybe even bigger. Ikaw na makahawak ng lawit while in the heat of the moment.

As we spoke to some men on how they would react to this kind of situation, they candidly expressed “baka mapatay ko.” While we all know that this is not really the case for these men whom we can vouch for their honest to goodness hearts, this is exactly what Pemberton felt. He felt grossed out, cheated which drove him crazy, and by way of instinct his hands fell on Laude’s neck and started to strangle her.

This is where we think everything got screwed up. Transgender women passing themselves as biological women will really be sick to some, much more engage in sex with them. And just because transgender women think that they are in fact, a woman does it make them one in the eyes of straight men. And that too is a fact. There is still a clear distinction between a transgender woman and a biological woman, and no amount of hormones, pills or even sex change for that matter will alter that. In many aspects, it is still a sexual preference. If we haven’t been reading up on the clamors of biological women on the issues of transgender women (one of which was published here in JUAN), being a woman is more than having a vajayjay and boobs. It takes more than just the physical, even the hormones, and even the feeling that one is indeed a woman, to be a real woman. After all, our gender identities are really more than just a feeling.

What makes a woman, a woman are all the shit that she goes through despite being woman, and how she comes out of it, not exactly unscathed but otherwise stronger and better. This doesn’t even include the fight against breast cancer, women’s issues, even menstruation, the PMS and menopause. Let’s keep this simple by saying, that having a vajayjay doesn’t exclude us from rejections. Having a vagina doesn’t give us the power to have any guy we choose to have, because there will be men who too will reject us biological women, because we are NOT exactly their type. And that is despite having vaginas and boobs, and all of that. We too can get left to hung dry in sex. We too can get rejected when we make advances to men, dahil kasali yun sa equation ng bawat relasyon, be it physical or otherwise. How much more if you pass yourself as someone you are not, having that someone you fancy see that in you while he tries to reach for your spot down there and to his surprise something else jumps out of it? Again, this is NOT to say that Pemberton’s actions are justified, BUT it is also wrong to misrepresent oneself hoping against hope that the other party will feel okay with it. Niloko mo na, tapos okay pa rin? Ang labo noon!

Human beings in general have a longing to be desired for what they are. Biological women and men still struggle with self-image, and to be accepted for who they are – flabs, the lack of biceps, their attitudes and shortcomings, and all that. And long to be desired for what they are — flabs, attitude and all. We are all too aware that the transgender community feels the same way. We all long to be accepted for who we are, real people and as real as it gets. But this longing doesn’t give us the license to brush off our identities and pretend to be something we are not, no matter if our brains dictate otherwise.

Let’s face it, people still do not fully accept the idea of a woman/man trapped in another gender’s body, and we become so enraged when they don’t say it correctly (the use of that stupid pronoun), regard us correctly (the miss and mister). And “correctly” we mean how the transgender community would want society to view them. Some biological men and women we know are still not sold to this idea. Some of us are still having a hard time reconciling this very concept from what we know as the “truth.” Blame it on being bred and raised as Catholic schoolgirls, blame it on how religion played a key role in our upbringing, blame it on us reading the bible religiously. Blame it on how it is in society in the last hundreds of years. But the truth is, this new concept of having the spirit of one gender, wrongly mislabeled and trapped in another gender’s body is a very bitter pill to swallow. To many of us who are quiet, and doesn’t really engage in discourses with the LGBT community dahil away lang yan, and we do not wish to be labeled as bigots, we are finding it hard to reconcile this “feeling” of being something else that what you were “created to be.” Is it to say that God made a mistake? Maybe that is something that the “quiet ones” are willing to die for.

Let this story serve as a reminder to all of us. To the transgender women who are active in this kind of activity, be very careful. While it is good to be true to yourself, believe what you would like to believe, bear in mind that what is true to you is not exactly true for everyone else. Let us face reality, your ideas and your struggles with your identities, are still not fully taken abreast by many. Do not force the issue by pretending to be something that someone else will perceive that you are not. Be straightforward. Hang out in places where it is okay to be you so you don’t have to explain who you are. Should you be in other places that are not fully accepting of the transgender idea, then be honest with the guy you are flirting with. We stand by this belief: if we are all secured with our choices, if we are all “proud and out,” and if we know who we really are, then why the need to misrepresent? If the guy rejects you, it’s not about you. He just prefers something else. Would you rather be rejected for exactly who you are? Or would you rather be rejected because you maligned someone for being NOT what you say you are? In any case, it is the same rejection, but the latter, as the story of Jennifer Laude suggests, may be fatal.

This should also serve as a reminder to men who engage in casual sex activities, who pick up “girls” in bars because they do not want the strings and responsibilities that go with sex; hindi porke’t may butas pasak. Kahit yata poste paldahan mo papasakan mo na! Alam na natin yan, lahat ng “babae” nagmumukhang maganda sa paningin mo dahil lasing ka na. At kapag nagoyo ka sasaktan mo. Gago lang diba?

Be a man. Be a human being. You can always let people down gently. And remember, nothing beats a man who knows commitment. Nothing beats a man who understand that with all their actions be it sexual or otherwise, comes consequences. Panindigan mo na lang yung taong mahal mo. Kung hindi mo pa kaya, please keep those dicks where they belong – between your legs, and not on somebody else’s hole, until you find the right “girl,” be it a biological one or a transgender. And that should be your conscious choice.

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