14 Aug North Korea Lands on Saturn



JUAN SAYS: We tried our best to do our usual fact checking, but other websites from other countries have published this too. North Korean astronauts land on SATURN! Saturn, that is like what? The sixth planet in our solar system!
In a news item release nymeta.co (ok we know, it really sounded like “pun-yeta” to us too), North Korea has issued a statement to the State News Agency that their recent space expedition to Saturn was a huge success! You are reading this right folks. It was even further stated that a North Korean astronaut Hung Il Gong walked on the surface of Saturn and proudly mounted the North Korean flag on the planet. He even went as far as giving a speech while on the surface of Saturn to praise Kim Jong-un for this once in a lifetime experience.
There was said to be a live television broadcast of how the events transpired. The astronaut was scheduled to be back on Earth the very same night he landed on Saturn.
We just died laughing. Ano yun? Time space warp ngayon din?
Our research shows that it took three to six years before a spacecraft could reach the atmosphere of Saturn. This will all depend on the manner the spacecraft was launched. If it would be relied on the gravity of Saturn to pull in the spacecraft from other heavenly bodies, then the spacecraft would reach Saturn by a longer period of time. Should it be launched directly to Saturn, then it would run shorter. In as much as we would like to delve in more to the technicalities of launching something into space, we deemed it not necessary, because we can’t stop laughing.
This is what happens when a country secludes its people from the outside world and everything, even media are controlled by the state. It would be easy to tell them that this tiny place they live in is the world, and that they are on top of it. It is too easy to feed lies and to brainwash people into believing that there is no better life, no alternatives, no nothing beyond what is fed them. We don’t even want to discuss how easy it is to fabricate stories, videos and other evidences that may point or malign people to believing that something occurred, something really happened. Even if in reality, it never did.
Lilipat na daw ang North Korea sa Saturn! Magkakaroon na sila ng sariling mundo! Maglalakad na daw si Kim Jong-un sa rings ng planeta! Sila na! Sila na talaga!
What is even more disturbing is the fact that we weren’t invited to the “welcome home party” of the astronaut! He was scheduled to warp back in on the same night he reached Saturn. We are so heartbroken by this. We would have flown to North Korea in 10 minutes from the Philippines, partied the night away and getting drunk on champagne. No matter what others would say, taking a selfie with a man who landed on Saturn tramps any other selfies taken in the world. Yep, not even that with the Pope. Sorry, we have to end now, our friend Kim is calling. What the f*** does he need now? Yaya PROZAC ko!


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