01 Aug The Anti-Cool Girl: It’s OK to be Different
By Carla Bianca V. Ravanes
Editor’s Note: Our Managing Editor Carla writes about her experience in breaking the stereotype. Dorky or not, JUAN loves Carla for being who she is – flaws and all.
I’m not a cool girl.
There, I said it. I don’t like going to clubs, I don’t think twice about replying to a guy (I mean seriously that’s just rude), and I don’t forego dignity just to get a guy to like me. I don’t “chill” nor have I perfected the ten ways to bat my eyelashes to win the most charming jock in the room.
I am a rather opinionated girl who will not take anyone’s shiz simply because I don’t have the time. And it’s not because I’m on a high and mighty throne but rather because I’m more Jossie Grossie than you know, Regina George. I do have walls but as much as I can, I try to let people I meet in, not immediately but eventually. I love without abandon and recently it has hit me in the face to the point of retreat.
I wish I was the “cool” girl who didn’t care if I wasn’t being treated well as long as I played the game well. I wish I played the game even better but the truth is I don’t want to be in any games. I firmly believe that people who play games with people they like are childish and immature. You don’t treat people like crap and expect them to want you even more. That’s plain stupidity and I have no plans to treat friends that way. I’m transparent, I don’t have filters and in friendships or anything else, I give my all and recently I got ducked over.
It made me rethink my choice of giving away too much. In my head, I wished I was the cool girl. But in reality, I could never be the girl with a cold heart. That’s just not the way I’m built. I understand that this generosity has caused people who used to be so dear to me to abuse it and on my birthday, I also understood the importance of not letting anyone do that to me. You see, I may not be the cool girl but I can still set boundaries for myself. I will not play games with you but once I say I’m done, I’m done. Only fools insist on staying with people who repeatedly take them for granted.
It took me about three weeks to realize that I’m okay with that even if the decision was uncomfortable at best. It also took me an entire lifetime to accept that while I may not be the cool girl, I can still celebrate myself.
In my dorkiness and awkwardness I may never be adored in ways that queens do but I relish over the fact that I’m strong enough to love people without expectation and walk away from situations that are not healthy for me. Being kind even to those who are not is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. That believing that I don’t have to play a game to manipulate a guy into liking me is not a weakness but a strong belief in who I am. I am not the “most” in anything but I am ferociously loyal and that’s what I am most proud of.
I’m not the cool girl. Heck, I’m spending my Friday night in the gym and will probably spend the rest of it watching The Office but you know what? For the first time in my life, it doesn’t really matter.