01 Apr Taken by Tekken: Coz Some People Don’t Like Josie Rizal

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JUAN SAYS: While many are rejoicing that a new character is added on Tekken, a strong Filipina, that goes by the name of Josie Rizal (obviously a rip off of our National Hero Jose Rizal), some have their brows raised saying that this is a disgrace to the name of our National Hero. What’s in a name nga ba?
 
Forgive our ignorance but we couldn’t rejoice not say anything contradicting to putting the name of Rizal to the new Tekken character. If at all, we see it differently. We’d like to think of it as a way of promoting the country and introducing our culture to gamers. Hey, a promotional strategy to promote the Philippines need not be boring and conventional. We can go beyond the box and use this, a video game played by many, to promote love for country (which we really need right now), or maybe promote our culture. We don’t mind using the name Josie Rizal, we wouldn’t even mind if they change it to Andi Boni (Andres Bonifacio), or Millie Gift (Emilio Aguinaldo). They can go as far as using the names: Gabriela Silang, Tandang Sora, Lapu-lapu, Reyna Elena, Reyna Emperatriz if they wish to as long as they don’t use the national costume of MJ Lastimosa in the Miss Universe pageant as peg for the new character’s costume. Wag lang magmukhang cake ok na yan!
 
But since Tekken or any video game for that matter reaches a new breed of Filipinos or foreign nationals that we wish to promote the Philippines to, we’d like to think that we can at least update the character to make it more appealing to the young Filipinos? Beyond the stock knowledge of Rizal being a National Hero, his bravery and his books are no longer popular to the young and techie.
 
Here are our suggested Tekken characters that would best represent the Philippines today. Dito magreact na kayo!
 
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Kris Aquino – Ze Queen, the center of the universe. Her special powers would involve talking you to death, about herself and everything else about herself.
 
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Mich Liggayu – The Selfie Fighter, her special powers are taking selfie videos and making herself pretty in videos while crying. Who needs a whole production team when a Tekken character can do that on her own? She can then call on her minions, the fantards who take their selfie videos while crying. We shall call them #MaalKcKitaEh
 
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Ellen Adarna – The Sex Goddess, and you won’t die by watching her exercise video with no bra! Instead, if you do exercise without a bra, your breasts will sag to the floor! Her special powers would be her 270 IQ when you make her drink a bottle of scotch! You go girl!
 
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Miriam Santiago – The Brain. No fighting needed. She will be the greatest nemesis of Kris Aquino. She will just take one good look at you and the whole situation and unleash her sarcasm then you die! The only way to fight with her is if you have enough stupidity to drain her of her sarcasm.
 
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ER Ejercito – Tagaligtas. He made a movie out of this right? But we’d rather that he plays the character of his previous movies like Asiong Salonga and yeah Golden Boy. His tacky poster is so TEKKEN!
 
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Grace Poe – Grace under pressure. Soft-spoken, calm, yet no-nonsense. Her greatest offense is her demeanor. Her power is the findings in the Mamasapano Massacre, yep, that thick report she presented to the media. Ihahataw nya ang makapal na report sa ulo ng mga sinungaling!
 
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Dionisia Pacquiao – The Enchanter with powers to knock you out by the incantation: ‘pak yu! Pak yu! Pak yu!’
 
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Nancy Binay – as herself in that balloon dress, because she can. That is what they are in power for. ‘Nuff said!

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