14 Feb 50 Shades of Disney Princesses, not exactly a pretty sight

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JUAN SAYS: We do get the connection. Believe us, we do. After all, who would miss the similar plot of 50 Shades of Grey to the Disney princesses ‘helpless-come-save-me-please’ kind of stories that are a tint short of our popular telenovelas. But to illustrate the Disney princesses in 50 Shades of Grey fashion is a tad too much. It’s like My Little Pony goes porn, and honestly, it is not helping our Valentine-less Valentines (not that 50 Shades ever helped).
 
This is short of pedophilia. After salivating on these illustrations (which can be a reminder of your childhood), how do you look at children now while they are watching these cartoons? That’s very sick.
 
Spare the Disney princesses, no matter how fucked-up you think their stories are, for many, they are the best reminders of what a childhood is supposed to be.
 
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JUAN SAYS: And after I remove ‘em from inside me, I’m gonna make you swallow it, both balls. Sabay.

 

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JUAN SAYS: …and I turned to violet. Nobody told me I was supposed to exhale. I gasp.
 
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JUAN SAYS: And on the seventh hit, I’m gonna tug it from your hand and hit you with your own belt, right smack across the face. Hot.
 
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JUAN SAYS: And the song played. Dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun… I shrieked. Soundtrack pala ng ‘Jaws’ ampotah.
 
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JUAN SAYS: You are not a horse, and I am not a cow. Dafuq.
 
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JUAN SAYS: and as the pain spreads from my buttocks to my thighs, my foot got a life of its own. ‘OUCH,’ he screamed in pain, and found him crawling to the floor. ‘Bad foot,’ I scolded it, ‘you just knocked his nuts out.’ Oh what a sight to behold.
 
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JUAN SAYS: Sorry, we couldn’t retort to this. The Boy Scout reference was just too funny. Oh, this is supposed to be erotic not a comedy. Our apologies.
 
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JUAN SAYS: And as my breath become one with his, he tried to whisper in my ear: ‘bakit ambigat mo?’ Then my hand found it’s way to his face and I said: ‘Ay mukha pala. Akala ko paa.’
 
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JUAN SAYS: We draw the line at tampon pulling. Seriously.

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